Move, pt. 2

I am now officially a Seattle resident.

(this is my bedroom. obviously.)

Well…okay, not officially. I haven’t gone to the DMV or filled out a change of address form (oops…I should probably get on that), but I do actually live in this beautiful emerald city, in a house with four other women, close to lots of cool businesses, and not far from views of gorgeous bodies of water and “the mountain” I grew up around (Rainier).

Thanks to the help of many amazing people, I survived the moving ordeal. They packed up the UHaul for me and helped me clean my apartment, and my brother Eric even drove the truck all the way across the state for me. Talk about amazing support.

It was very, very difficult to say goodbye. All last weekend I felt as if I was on the verge of a major emotional meltdown, but I didn’t have time or energy to indulge in that, so instead of letting even one tear loose, I just pushed my sadness down and kept moving. It was what I had to do. But each time I said goodbye (or more accurately “see you later”) to another person who has changed my life over the last few years, I felt my heart crack open a little more. Continue reading

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Get it out

Today, I am sad. And exhausted. My head feels fuzzy and I can’t open my eyes all the way and I need to cry.

I’m tired of seeing my dad hurting. I’m tired of being away from him.  I’m ready for this move to be over, to be living only an hour from my parents’ house and minutes from the hospital. From there, I could easily be the one to sleep on a cot in his room or take walks with him or cheer him up or cry with him. I could help.

I need that as much as he does. I need to be a part of what is happening in my family. I’ve said before that cancer is a family disease. All five of us have been diagnosed. All five of us suffer. And I am too far away. The one absent member. Continue reading

Move

News flash: I’m moving!

Out of Spokane, away from the people and places I love and have come to think of as”family” and “home” over the last seven years. Wow.

Here’s where I’ll be instead:

I’m very excited. And sad. And busy and stressed and not at all sure how I’m going to support myself. But I’m trusting that since all of this seems to have been orchestrated by the hand of God, he probably wouldn’t plunk me down in a brand new city without giving me a job. Right? Okay. Continue reading

Run more!

People! I have been RUNNING! Like, four times since my last blog post!

I’m easing myself in, by sticking with familiar territory (the gym) and working my way up to more intensity little by little (2 minutes running, 2 minutes walking, etc.).

Still. I am super jazzed.

This is cool because:

1. It is okay to start slowly, and I have proof! I found this helpful beginning runner’s training program online that makes me feel less like a wuss and gives me confidence that over time I’ll be able to do more.

2. My legs hurt! YAY! This means they are being worked in ways they haven’t been before. It means they are getting stronger. I’m also hoping this means that they will look better in my new cutoff shorts, thus making my plan to make peace with my thighs a little bit easier. Continue reading

Run!

Eva and I go to the gym at 5:30 every weekday morning.

Yes, we are awesome. Or crazy, according to certain friends of mine.

Anyway, this morning she suggested that rather than spending an hour indoors working out in close proximity to middle aged people in sweatbands and cutoff T-shirts (no joke), we might take a walk around her neighborhood instead.

I had a headache and didn’t really want to be in the stuffy gym anyway, so I jumped enthusiastically at the opportunity. Or, you know, grunted vaguely in agreement. I am not a morning person.

We grabbed the dog and set off at a casual stroll. Ah, the fresh air! The green grass! I was starting to wake up, and my headache was going down already. We picked up the pace a bit, and as my heart rate rose, a sudden fit of inspiration struck me.

“I’m going to try running for a bit,” I said. I took a large swig of water and took off at a moderate jog. Continue reading

Go home

A scenario: You have a 3-day weekend, and you realize it’s been five months since you last got out of Spokane, so you decide to carpool with some friends and visit your old stomping grounds.

You cross the state with an adorable, fluffy dog on your lap, eventually passing the knotted on- and off-ramps of Seattle highways and winding your way along familiar country roads, past smatterings of cows, chickens, llamas, horses, and goats. You pull into a steep gravel driveway leading up to a white 1912 farmhouse with a big porch–the warm, inviting, vibrant home where you once played dress-ups and practiced Minuet in G and waited for prom dates.

You grab a mug full of tea and plunk yourself down onto the couch and launch into a conversation with your parents about the latest developments in your life and theirs. You are surrounded, as always, by their complete acceptance of you, and so grateful for the friendship that has developed with adulthood.

You spend the weekend being a part of things; you help out with some home improvement projects. You go to the gym.

You drive the familiar streets, noticing the thick, green brush all around, the lawns full of bizarre junkyard crap, and homes of childhood friends. You remember being 7, 12, 15, 18….walking, biking, driving these same streets. To the baseball diamond down the road, to the convenience store, to school, to friends’ and boyfriends’ houses. Continue reading

Set standards

Just a heads-up to men in the world of online dating: If you’re 40 and you’re “seeking females 18-34,” I’m gonna go ahead and assume you’re a tool.

Same thing applies if you post a picture of yourself with a Hooters girl, list sex as one of your favorite activities, or send me an e-mail that says nothing more than “You should get on IM to chat” (um, nice to meet you too). Automatic no.

Other than filtering out THOSE guys, it’s been a lot of fun so far.

I will not be writing about my dating experiences here, at least not in any specific terms. That’s private, and although I share a lot of private things, I am pretty careful to restrict them to MY private things. Just because someone wants to go out with me doesn’t mean he wants his business posted online for all to see. So that’s where I’m drawing the line. That said, I’m having a grand time, feeling empowered, and enjoying learning about how to date post-college.

Best random impulse decision I’ve made in a long time. I highly recommend it!